Last night I got into bed and set my alarm for 6am so I could go to the gym. I hadn’t been that night like it says I should on my training plan; I was very tired from a day long company meeting!
So this morning arrives and I wake up at 7.15! My alarm didn’t go off! Crap!
So began a frantic rush around the house to have a shower, slip in a few pull ups and get a protein smoothie down my neck. I got to the tram stop feeling guilty a common feeling I have had since I was about 14.
I make myself feel guilty about almost everything, the food I eat or don’t eat, how much I drink, how much money I spend, not doing enough exercise, not reading enough, not being social enough. I sometimes think that half my energy is spent on feeling guilty about something.
After many a conversation with my friends I believe that I am part of guilt epidemic! It mostly effects women however many men as well. We feel guilty constantly because we are unable to live up to the high standards we set our selves. We beast at the gym, we deny ourselves tasty food and we don’t acknowledge the effort that goes into every single day.
The truth for me is that I have an idea of how I should be which includes epic exercise and yoga, lots of reading/educating, giving back to the community, and not watching so much TV! (This is the extremely short version; the actual list could take up about 4 A4 pieces of paper). Starting yoga a few years ago just added to my list of what I should be doing, it became another thing to make myself feel bad about. This I have realised however is exactly the opposite of what yoga should do for me.
What I am learning however is that my guilt is useless, and when it comes to yoga it is particularly counterproductive. As I sat on the tram this morning and did some ‘mindful breathing’ I started to let go just a little and appreciate that I got up feeling healthy, I made myself some healthy food, and I was able to rush around unhindered. I felt suddenly thankful for my body and what I am able to achieve each day without thinking about it.
I’m not saying I won’t feel guilty about anything, I am just making small baby steps!